How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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