She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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