He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
