i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
