$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
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everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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