Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
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How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
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There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize