remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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