her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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