Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
