I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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