Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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