Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
