I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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