Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
