Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sext me about skeletons
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
