thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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