3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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