After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
