Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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