just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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