Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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