I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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