shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just invented taco cereal.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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