I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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