I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
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They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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