Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
