I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
