Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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