I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize