Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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