i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
