Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
