Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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