He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ugly people sure do ruin things
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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