We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
