i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
