All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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