Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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