I wish i was in the wii world.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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