Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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