It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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