That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
