He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
