Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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