I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
two words: eviction party
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
