At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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