if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
