I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
