I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
