What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
