it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
