woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
