Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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