This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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