i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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