I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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