i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
