worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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