i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
