she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
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I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
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Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.