There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.