You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.