Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize