Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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