That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.