3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises