You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
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I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When did angry sex become our thing?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
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Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"