walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Good thing I've started drinking again