I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?