i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS