Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed