So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
