where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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